3. The Real Risk Isn’t Ambition - It’s Holding Back
Have you ever stood at the starting line of a race, or scrolled through a sea of fit, fast runners online and felt like an imposter? Like you were too slow, too new, too old, too different to be the real deal?
There’s a confidence gap many ultra runners face, especially women, but men too: the conditioning that teaches us to play small, stay humble, and fear ambition. This isn't about lacking discipline or commitment. It's about unraveling years of social programming that has trained you to doubt yourself, deflect praise, and soften your edges to make others comfortable.
In this episode, I explore how comparison and imposter syndrome show up in our running journeys, and why they're not problems to solve but signals that you're evolving. I share a practical five-step framework to make ambition feel safe, so you can chase those big, bold goals without apology. Because ultra running isn't about certainty or perfection—it's about guts, resilience, and taking leaps of faith in yourself when the outcome isn't guaranteed.
To celebrate the launch of the show, I'm going to be giving away a personalized, pre-recorded pep talk to three lucky listeners who follow, rate, and review the show. Click here to learn more and enter by May 2, 2025 at 11:59pm PT.
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
How to recognize when you’re comparing what you feel inside to what you see on someone’s outside.
Why owning your ambition doesn't make you arrogant—it makes you honest.
How to transform imposter syndrome from a roadblock into evidence that you're doing something brave.
Why you don't need to earn your place in ultra running through perfection or excessive humility.
5 practical steps to make ambition feel safe, so you can commit fully to your ultrarunning goals
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
To celebrate the launch of the show, I'm going to be giving away a personalized, pre-recorded pep talk to three lucky listeners who follow, rate, and review the show. Click here to learn more and enter by May 2, 2025 at 11:59pm PT.
Full Episode Transcript:
Have you ever stood at the starting line of a race, or scrolled through a sea of fit, fast runners online and felt like an imposter? Like maybe you'd snuck into a room where you didn't quite belong? Like you were too slow, too new, too old, too different, too something to be the real deal? If so, you're not alone. And more importantly, you're not wrong for feeling that way.
But what is wrong is the story our brains, our culture, and our history have told us about what we're allowed to want. The system that taught you to doubt yourself in the first place. The one that trained you to stay quiet, stay small, and stay safe. And today, we're rewriting it.
Welcome to Unstoppable Ultra Runner, the podcast for ultrarunners who refuse to let anything hold them back. I’m your host, Susan Donnelly, veteran of over 150 100-mile races, and a coach who helps runners like you break through mental roadblocks, push past doubt, and run with confidence. Let’s go.
Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Because today, we're going deep. We're talking about something that affects way more ultrarunners than you'd ever guess, especially women. We're unpacking comparison, imposter syndrome, and the silent fear that maybe, just maybe, we don't belong in the spaces we most want to be.
We're talking about something most people don't in ultrarunning: how social conditioning trains us to play small, stay humble, to fear ambition, and how we start to unravel all that so we can chase big, bold goals without apology or fear. This episode is about making room for the version of you who wants more without apology.
So, let's start with the truth. The truth is, you're not holding back because you're lazy or undisciplined or just not serious enough. You're holding back because you've been taught to, especially if you're a woman. You've been taught to be easygoing, to be likeable, to not take up too much space, to make your power more palatable. And you've been told to deflect praise, wave off compliments, and soften your edges. You've been warned, explicitly or subtly, that ambition is a liability, that it's selfish, it's arrogant, and it makes people uncomfortable.
So when you step into a sport like ultrarunning, a sport that demands audacity, belief, and risk, it feels like you're breaking a rule just by wanting something big. Saying I want to finish a 100-miler, that feels dangerous. Saying I want a podium, that feels presumptuous. And saying I want to find out what I'm capable of, it feels exposed. Ambition doesn't feel like freedom; it feels like a trap, because if you care too much and then fall short, then what does that mean about you?
For instance, I asked a runner at Zumbro 100 last weekend why he wasn't aiming for a big, bold goal at the next race we'd been talking about, and he said, "Because then, I'd have to care." And the unspoken part that followed was, of course, if you have an ambitious goal that you care about and you fail, what does that mean about you?
We've been trained to think, "I have to prove I'm worthy first, and then I can go after big goals." So, instead of doing that, going after big goals, we undersell ourselves, we shrink our dreams, we apologize for being slow, we laugh off our goals, we disguise our fire as curiosity, and we wait until we've earned, quote-unquote "earned", the right to take up space. We wait for certainty before we commit.
But this sport, it's not about certainty. The only certainty we have is when the race is over. Ultrarunning is about guts and taking big leaps of faith in ourselves. It's about standing at mile 62, exhausted, barely able to stand up out of that chair, quads stiff as boards, and still saying, "I believe I can." It's about choosing belief without a guarantee. And you don't need permission to want big things. You just need to be honest with yourself about what you want.
So, if you're honest with yourself about what you want, and you're just starting to feel that fire, just when you want something big, that's when the voices creep in. That's when comparison and imposter syndrome enter the room. Let's be clear here, though. To be fair, comparison isn't a weakness; it's biology. It's your brain scanning your environment for clues. Am I okay? Am I safe? Do I belong? Because in most of human history, not fitting in meant danger. Rejection, exile, all of that was not safe. So, of course, we compare ourselves. Of course, we watch others for cues as to whether we fit in or not.
For example, we see somebody leaner or more fit, stronger looking, more confident, and we whisper to ourselves in our heads, "They're the real deal; I'm just hoping I don't get found out." But most of the time, you're comparing your inside to somebody else's outside. You're comparing your vulnerable, unfinished middle to their filtered, curated, highlighted reel. And guess what? They're probably doing the same back with you.
Because imposter syndrome thrives in silence. It feeds off isolation. It wants you to believe you're the only one that feels this way, but you're not. That voice in your head saying, "Who do I think I am?" That doesn't mean you don't belong. It means you're doing something brave. And I really want you to get that.
Imposter syndrome is uncomfortable, but it isn't a problem. It's a sign you're stepping up to do something brave. You don't get imposter syndrome by playing small. You get it by stretching beyond where you've been, by daring to take up more space than you're used to. So that doubt, that fear, it's not weakness; it's a sign you're evolving.
Here's the bottom line. You're allowed to want what you want. You're allowed to dream boldly, to say, "I'm going after that finish line. I want a breakthrough year. I want to become the kind of person who doesn't back down." You're allowed to go after those things, fall short time and again, and still keep going. Because ultrarunning isn't a test of perfection; it's a test of resilience.
You didn't start running ultras to stay comfortable. You started because something in you was hungry and restless, done pretending you were fine playing small. And this sport didn't ask you to prove your worth. You brought your worth with you. So now, you get to find out just how far you'll go when you stop holding back.
But let's be real. Of course, owning your ambition is not comfortable. It's vulnerable, it's awkward; it might make people uncomfortable. It might even make you uncomfortable. And that's okay. Because confidence doesn't show up before the leap. Confidence is built in the doing, in the claiming, in the reps, in the training.
You don't have to make a public declaration of your ambition, but you do need to get honest with yourself about it. You can't tiptoe towards a dream and expect to feel all in. You can't half commit and expect a full transformation. You can't whisper your goals and expect them to roar. You have to name it, you have to own it, you have to live into it.
And no, owning your ambition doesn't make you arrogant; it makes you honest. I'm going to say that one again. Owning your ambition does not make you arrogant. It makes you honest.
So how do you do that? How do you make ambition feel safe, so it doesn't feel like you're risking your identity every time you care about something? You start small, and you start intentionally. And here are five steps to help.
The first step is to notice the voice in your head. Catch it in real time. When you say, "I'm just doing the 50k," like it's a consolation prize—that's conditioning talking. That's the reflex. That's not you; that's social conditioning talking. So notice that voice when you hear it.
Step number two: Name it. Say it out loud or write it down, whatever you need to do, but name it, like this: "This isn't the truth. This is social programming. This is not what I believe. This is social programming." Because this belief didn't start with you, and it doesn't have to end with you.
Step three: Normalize risk. This is not necessarily going to be a comfortable one for you, but you need to do this to make ambition safe. And how you do it is you plan for a worst-case scenario. Not to dwell there and not to obsess about it, but to defang it. What will you say to yourself if you fall short? Decide now that you're going to meet yourself with grace and not shame. Decide how you're going to deal with the risk and risk-taking if you fall short, and don't make it wrong to have done it.
Step four, on the other side of things: Make failure safe. Tell yourself, "If I fail, I learn. If I struggle, I adapt. If I fall, I just rise." That's how you become the version of you who finishes the race. You've got to do those four steps. Notice the voice that's not you; it's social conditioning. Name it, call it out, even if you just do it in your head. Normalize risk; we all have to take risks in ultrarunning. And make failure safe. Make a plan for how you're going to treat yourself if you do fail. We're not planning to fail; we're planning how we're going to treat ourselves if we do fail.
And then step five, the last one, which is an optional step, but I highly recommend it, is to find other people, where you can, who don't flinch when you speak your dreams out loud, who don't caution you and try and talk you down into something more realistic, who won't tell you to make your dreams smaller, who say, "Hell yes, let's go get it. I'll be there cheering you on." And if you don't have those people yet, start by being that person for somebody else, and you'll find your people faster than you think.
Alright. Here's your permission slip. You don't have to earn your place in this sport with perfection or humility. You belong because you showed up. Your ambition isn't a liability; it's a compass. It's your inner guide pointing you toward what matters most, and out of all the things you could do in this sport, what you really want to do, and the version of you that you haven't met yet but are becoming.
So stop waiting until you're ready. Stop playing small just to fit in with people who are probably doubting themselves too. Go after the thing that scares you a little, the one you've been holding back from admitting you really want. Say it out loud, even if you're just saying it out loud to yourself, and even if your voice shakes. Own it. Not because it's guaranteed, but because going for it is worth it. Because it matters to you. And when that whisper of doubt shows up, let it know you're not backing down. You're not lost; you're right on the edge of something bigger.
If this episode landed with you, send it to a runner who needs to hear it. And until next time: run ambitious, run brave, run like you mean it. You've got this.
Thanks for listening to Unstoppable Ultra Runner. If you want more ultra talk, mindset tools, and strategies for running with confidence, visit www.susanidonnelly.com. This podcast receives production support from the team at Digital Freedom Productions. That’s it for today’s episode. See you next week.
But what is wrong is the story our brains, our culture, and our history have told us about what we're allowed to want. The system that taught you to doubt yourself in the first place. The one that trained you to stay quiet, stay small, and stay safe. And today, we're rewriting it.
Welcome to Unstoppable Ultra Runner, the podcast for ultrarunners who refuse to let anything hold them back. I’m your host, Susan Donnelly, veteran of over 150 100-mile races, and a coach who helps runners like you break through mental roadblocks, push past doubt, and run with confidence. Let’s go.
Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Because today, we're going deep. We're talking about something that affects way more ultrarunners than you'd ever guess, especially women. We're unpacking comparison, imposter syndrome, and the silent fear that maybe, just maybe, we don't belong in the spaces we most want to be.
We're talking about something most people don't in ultrarunning: how social conditioning trains us to play small, stay humble, to fear ambition, and how we start to unravel all that so we can chase big, bold goals without apology or fear. This episode is about making room for the version of you who wants more without apology.
So, let's start with the truth. The truth is, you're not holding back because you're lazy or undisciplined or just not serious enough. You're holding back because you've been taught to, especially if you're a woman. You've been taught to be easygoing, to be likeable, to not take up too much space, to make your power more palatable. And you've been told to deflect praise, wave off compliments, and soften your edges. You've been warned, explicitly or subtly, that ambition is a liability, that it's selfish, it's arrogant, and it makes people uncomfortable.
So when you step into a sport like ultrarunning, a sport that demands audacity, belief, and risk, it feels like you're breaking a rule just by wanting something big. Saying I want to finish a 100-miler, that feels dangerous. Saying I want a podium, that feels presumptuous. And saying I want to find out what I'm capable of, it feels exposed. Ambition doesn't feel like freedom; it feels like a trap, because if you care too much and then fall short, then what does that mean about you?
For instance, I asked a runner at Zumbro 100 last weekend why he wasn't aiming for a big, bold goal at the next race we'd been talking about, and he said, "Because then, I'd have to care." And the unspoken part that followed was, of course, if you have an ambitious goal that you care about and you fail, what does that mean about you?
We've been trained to think, "I have to prove I'm worthy first, and then I can go after big goals." So, instead of doing that, going after big goals, we undersell ourselves, we shrink our dreams, we apologize for being slow, we laugh off our goals, we disguise our fire as curiosity, and we wait until we've earned, quote-unquote "earned", the right to take up space. We wait for certainty before we commit.
But this sport, it's not about certainty. The only certainty we have is when the race is over. Ultrarunning is about guts and taking big leaps of faith in ourselves. It's about standing at mile 62, exhausted, barely able to stand up out of that chair, quads stiff as boards, and still saying, "I believe I can." It's about choosing belief without a guarantee. And you don't need permission to want big things. You just need to be honest with yourself about what you want.
So, if you're honest with yourself about what you want, and you're just starting to feel that fire, just when you want something big, that's when the voices creep in. That's when comparison and imposter syndrome enter the room. Let's be clear here, though. To be fair, comparison isn't a weakness; it's biology. It's your brain scanning your environment for clues. Am I okay? Am I safe? Do I belong? Because in most of human history, not fitting in meant danger. Rejection, exile, all of that was not safe. So, of course, we compare ourselves. Of course, we watch others for cues as to whether we fit in or not.
For example, we see somebody leaner or more fit, stronger looking, more confident, and we whisper to ourselves in our heads, "They're the real deal; I'm just hoping I don't get found out." But most of the time, you're comparing your inside to somebody else's outside. You're comparing your vulnerable, unfinished middle to their filtered, curated, highlighted reel. And guess what? They're probably doing the same back with you.
Because imposter syndrome thrives in silence. It feeds off isolation. It wants you to believe you're the only one that feels this way, but you're not. That voice in your head saying, "Who do I think I am?" That doesn't mean you don't belong. It means you're doing something brave. And I really want you to get that.
Imposter syndrome is uncomfortable, but it isn't a problem. It's a sign you're stepping up to do something brave. You don't get imposter syndrome by playing small. You get it by stretching beyond where you've been, by daring to take up more space than you're used to. So that doubt, that fear, it's not weakness; it's a sign you're evolving.
Here's the bottom line. You're allowed to want what you want. You're allowed to dream boldly, to say, "I'm going after that finish line. I want a breakthrough year. I want to become the kind of person who doesn't back down." You're allowed to go after those things, fall short time and again, and still keep going. Because ultrarunning isn't a test of perfection; it's a test of resilience.
You didn't start running ultras to stay comfortable. You started because something in you was hungry and restless, done pretending you were fine playing small. And this sport didn't ask you to prove your worth. You brought your worth with you. So now, you get to find out just how far you'll go when you stop holding back.
But let's be real. Of course, owning your ambition is not comfortable. It's vulnerable, it's awkward; it might make people uncomfortable. It might even make you uncomfortable. And that's okay. Because confidence doesn't show up before the leap. Confidence is built in the doing, in the claiming, in the reps, in the training.
You don't have to make a public declaration of your ambition, but you do need to get honest with yourself about it. You can't tiptoe towards a dream and expect to feel all in. You can't half commit and expect a full transformation. You can't whisper your goals and expect them to roar. You have to name it, you have to own it, you have to live into it.
And no, owning your ambition doesn't make you arrogant; it makes you honest. I'm going to say that one again. Owning your ambition does not make you arrogant. It makes you honest.
So how do you do that? How do you make ambition feel safe, so it doesn't feel like you're risking your identity every time you care about something? You start small, and you start intentionally. And here are five steps to help.
The first step is to notice the voice in your head. Catch it in real time. When you say, "I'm just doing the 50k," like it's a consolation prize—that's conditioning talking. That's the reflex. That's not you; that's social conditioning talking. So notice that voice when you hear it.
Step number two: Name it. Say it out loud or write it down, whatever you need to do, but name it, like this: "This isn't the truth. This is social programming. This is not what I believe. This is social programming." Because this belief didn't start with you, and it doesn't have to end with you.
Step three: Normalize risk. This is not necessarily going to be a comfortable one for you, but you need to do this to make ambition safe. And how you do it is you plan for a worst-case scenario. Not to dwell there and not to obsess about it, but to defang it. What will you say to yourself if you fall short? Decide now that you're going to meet yourself with grace and not shame. Decide how you're going to deal with the risk and risk-taking if you fall short, and don't make it wrong to have done it.
Step four, on the other side of things: Make failure safe. Tell yourself, "If I fail, I learn. If I struggle, I adapt. If I fall, I just rise." That's how you become the version of you who finishes the race. You've got to do those four steps. Notice the voice that's not you; it's social conditioning. Name it, call it out, even if you just do it in your head. Normalize risk; we all have to take risks in ultrarunning. And make failure safe. Make a plan for how you're going to treat yourself if you do fail. We're not planning to fail; we're planning how we're going to treat ourselves if we do fail.
And then step five, the last one, which is an optional step, but I highly recommend it, is to find other people, where you can, who don't flinch when you speak your dreams out loud, who don't caution you and try and talk you down into something more realistic, who won't tell you to make your dreams smaller, who say, "Hell yes, let's go get it. I'll be there cheering you on." And if you don't have those people yet, start by being that person for somebody else, and you'll find your people faster than you think.
Alright. Here's your permission slip. You don't have to earn your place in this sport with perfection or humility. You belong because you showed up. Your ambition isn't a liability; it's a compass. It's your inner guide pointing you toward what matters most, and out of all the things you could do in this sport, what you really want to do, and the version of you that you haven't met yet but are becoming.
So stop waiting until you're ready. Stop playing small just to fit in with people who are probably doubting themselves too. Go after the thing that scares you a little, the one you've been holding back from admitting you really want. Say it out loud, even if you're just saying it out loud to yourself, and even if your voice shakes. Own it. Not because it's guaranteed, but because going for it is worth it. Because it matters to you. And when that whisper of doubt shows up, let it know you're not backing down. You're not lost; you're right on the edge of something bigger.
If this episode landed with you, send it to a runner who needs to hear it. And until next time: run ambitious, run brave, run like you mean it. You've got this.
Thanks for listening to Unstoppable Ultra Runner. If you want more ultra talk, mindset tools, and strategies for running with confidence, visit www.susanidonnelly.com. This podcast receives production support from the team at Digital Freedom Productions. That’s it for today’s episode. See you next week.
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