9. How to Recover from a Disappointing Race
A disappointing race result can leave us confused, gutted, and questioning everything about our training and abilities. Whether it's a DNF or finishing far from our goal time, that emotional crash after a tough race hits hard and feels incredibly real. As an ultra coach, I see runners try to outrun this disappointment by immediately signing up for another race or shutting down completely - but neither approach leads to genuine healing or growth.
Today, I'm sharing how to transform that disappointing race experience into valuable data that will make you stronger. This shift in perspective allows us to extract powerful lessons from even our toughest race experiences.
I'll walk through the three essential steps for mental recovery after a challenging race and, through a real client example, I'll demonstrate how this process can turn a devastating DNF into the foundation for eventual 100-mile success.
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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
How to process race disappointment without getting stuck in it.
The power of viewing tough races as experiments rather than failures.
Why feeling difficult emotions actually builds mental strength.
Understanding the unavoidable risks in ultrarunning.
Three specific steps to mentally recover from a disappointing race.
How to extract valuable data from challenging race experiences.
The importance of analyzing both what went wrong and what went right
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Unstoppable Ultra Runner, the podcast for ultrarunners who refuse to let anything hold them back. I’m your host, Susan Donnelly, veteran of over 150 100-mile races, and a coach who helps runners like you break through mental roadblocks, push past doubt, and run with confidence. Let’s go.
Hey you all. Welcome to Episode 9. I'm glad you're here. Whether you just had a tough race or you're still carrying one around in your memory, this episode is for you. Today, let's talk about the emotional crash that happens after a disappointing race. You know the one. You train hard, you commit, you show up, and then it doesn't go how you hoped. Maybe you got a DNF. Maybe you finished, but didn't come close to your goal.
Either way, the result left you confused and gutted, like, "What happened?" That low after a bad race is real and it's rough. I've been there. For some runners, it feels devastating. For others, it's more of a funk, an apathy, a detachment. Reliving and second-guessing everything. It might even feel like a low-grade depression, like the wind got knocked out of your identity. And most runners, no matter how it feels, have no idea what to do with it.
So they typically try to outrun it. They try to register for another race right away, hoping that moving forward quickly will erase the sting. Or they shut it down entirely. They don't want to think about it. They don't want to talk about it with anybody. They file the photos away and try to forget it ever happened. Or, some runners wallow in it for a while, and they end up wallowing long enough that they decide they need a break from racing altogether. Not because they want the rest, but because they've lost their belief, and calling it a break is convenient.
And in all that swirling doubt and emotion, they might try to console themselves that, well, you're not truly challenging yourself if you don't DNF once in a while. And while that sounds cool and gritty and tough, that kind of grim reassurance doesn't actually help you heal or move forward. It doesn't build anything. Instead, it just lets the wound stay open. It lets the disappointment linger. And every time you think about the race, all the regret and second-guessing comes flooding right back in. It essentially becomes a scar that makes you brace for the next inevitable DNF instead of an experience that makes you stronger.
So, let's flip this around. Because the race isn't the thing holding you back. Staying stuck in disappointment is. And here's the solution. See the race as a valuable experiment. And mine that race for data. Think about it this way: You ran an experiment. Now, it's time to gather the data and analyze the results. Not for your worth… for gold.
Seriously. There is a treasure trove of valuable information in that experience. And if looking back at the race in detail is the last thing you want to do, then think about it this way: You've already paid for that treasure in time, in training, in money, in effort, in heart. So don't reject it and walk away empty-handed. That would be the real waste. Instead, extract the learning. This is your golden opportunity to come back better, stronger, smarter, and more emotionally resilient than you would have with a perfect race. This is how you get better, faster.
So, let's talk about how to really recover mentally from a disappointing race. There are three steps I take with clients, and the first is probably one you don't want to do, and that's: feel the disappointment. But here's the thing. When you stop avoiding disappointment and actually allow yourself to feel it, you realize it's not as bad as you thought it would be. And it quickly loses its grip. It moves on faster than you expect. Don't analyze it or think about it, just feel it. That's all you've got to do: feel it. In your body, not your mind. Just let it be there.
The shame, the regret, the sadness… it's okay. They're just emotions. You're not weak, you're not fighting demons, you're just a human with human emotions. And this is what it feels like when you don't achieve a big dream. This is just part of the deal of having dreams. It's not fun, but it's just an emotion, and you're stronger than it is.
And here's another reason you want to feel the disappointment. Feeling the disappointment, literally feeling it in your body, expands your emotional capacity every time you do it. And that's actually what mental strength is. It's not just gritting your teeth and pushing harder; it's being willing to feel the hard emotions without running away from them. This skill alone will make you unshakable. When you allow the emotion instead of resisting it out of fear, it stops running the show. You don't have to be afraid of it anymore.
All right. Step two: Get okay with the risk of ultras. We all want to believe that perfect training will guarantee a perfect outcome, but ultras don't work like that. There are no guarantees for any of us. I don't care who you are. Elites, DFL, and everybody in between—sometimes things go sideways. Sometimes the result doesn't match the work you put in. And sometimes you don't do what you said you'd do. But none of that means that the work was wasted.
You had the guts to take the risk, and that in itself is a win. You didn't play it safe and sit it out. You didn't put off the race waiting for a guarantee that everything would go your way, if that even exists, which it doesn't. Risking and having a bad race doesn't mean you made a mistake. It means you had the guts to show up and bet on yourself when there were no guarantees. And that's not just something to be proud of; it's a kind of strength that most people never even touch, and you want to hold on to that.
Because that is what makes ultras different from anything else. The outcome is never guaranteed. You knew that, and you signed up anyway. And now, after a race that didn't go to plan, you're standing in the part that no one likes to talk about. The part where you choose what kind of runner you're going to be. Will you shrink smaller and let the race define you? Or will you look it in the eye, take the hit, and grow stronger from it?
That's the second half of courage. Not just starting the race, but deciding you're not done just because it didn't go how you hoped. And that's how you succeed. Go risk after risk after risk until you succeed. And this step is just one step on the way to success.
Here's the gold in it. Because you took that risk, you now have race day experience and hard-earned data that no simulation, no visualization, no long run, no podcast could ever give you. You lived through something real, something that will make you better if you're willing to use it.
And the best news: The world didn't end. You're still here, and you're tougher than before. And now, you're ready for the next part of your recovery.
Step three, and probably my favorite, is learn from the race. And I don't just mean figuring out what to avoid next time; I mean a real evaluation. What actually happened out there? What went well? What would you repeat? What would you change? This isn't about blaming yourself at all. It's about understanding yourself. And this is where the power-up happens, when you take that hard-won data and actually use it. This is the return on everything you just poured into that race.
Here's an example of a fabulous client of mine who really embraced this process. She came to me after an emotionally tough DNF at Miwok 100. It was her first ultra. She trained hard, showed up excited and ready, and really, really wanted to finish it. But the weather turned brutal, and she got pulled for time. It broke her heart. She was devastated. She didn't just feel disappointed; it shook her identity. She felt an unfamiliar fear: the fear of repeating it, the fear that something was wrong with her. And she couldn't stop wondering what she'd done to mess it up so badly.
The first thing we did, of course, was normalize that disappointment. Like I've said, big goals come with big emotions. Not hitting a goal definitely feels bad. That's part of having a meaningful goal. But the main thing we did, and the big turning point for her, came when we evaluated the race together. She told me the story of a race gone wrong and what she thought she'd messed up. She was certain she'd blown it in the biggest way.
But when we actually broke it all down, you know what we found? One thing. One simple thing she'd missed. She didn't have an eating schedule, like eating something every hour. And when the weather turned cold and rainy, she forgot to eat and she bonked. That was it. That was the only thing in that whole devastating race that truly went wrong. And it was a super-fixable problem for her next race.
Even better, she also discovered an extensive list of things she did right and things she wanted to repeat. The training she nailed. The excited mindset she brought. The aid station process that worked flawlessly. The race prep that went smoothly. She was stunned. That race that she had mentally labeled for so long as a complete disaster, it was actually filled with wins. She took those lessons, absorbed them, and to her delight, used her renewed confidence to run a strong 50K.
Then, after a little hesitation, she dared longer: 50 miles. And to her surprise, she finished it and felt pretty good. We evaluated both of these races the same way: wins and things to improve. And then, after some indecision and waffling back and forth, she took the big leap with the faith that she gained in herself and signed up for her first 100-miler.
She thought she'd do one someday, but this didn't seem like the perfect time, and it was kind of inconvenient, and life things were going on. But she had the opportunity, and she had the training under her belt, and she finally decided to go for it. So we planned her race in detail, incorporating everything she learned from her allegedly bad race at Miwok and from the 50K and 50-miler.
And it so happened that I ran that race too, and I got to see her some in the first 20 miles. She was on her game. She knew what to do, and she was doing it. It was so exciting for me to watch her move ahead and finally out of view. I knew she could do it, and I trusted, even though she was out of sight, that she was doing great.
But I had to wait until I got to the finish line a day later. It's so weird to say, but that's how it is in a 100. Got to the finish line a day later. I had to wait until I got to the finish line a day later to learn the result and find out that she finished. And, even better than that, she not only finished, she finished well under 24 hours. In her first 100. And that is all because she chose bravely to recover instead of staying stuck in the shame.
That's what mental recovery really is. It's not about pretending the race didn't matter or using it to limit yourself. It's about being brave enough to face it and look at it and use it to run smarter and make yourself stronger. So, if you're sitting in disappointment right now, here's your next step. Don't rush to sign up for the next race, and don't stuff your feelings down, and don't shut it all out either. Instead, feel it. Feel that disappointment. You're stronger than it is.
Then, celebrate that you were willing to take the risk that every single one of us takes every time we show up at a starting line. You ran that experiment. And most important, once the experiment is over, mine the treasure of information that you worked so hard for. Break it down. Learn from it and use it to become a smarter, tougher, more prepared runner. This is how you keep getting better at ultrarunning. This is how you come back confident. And this is how you stop defining yourself by a single race and start building an ultrarunning lifetime of grit and growth.
The experience is yours now. You paid for it, you own it. So don't let it go to waste. Mine it for gold.
All right. I'll talk to you all next week.
Bye.
Thanks for listening to Unstoppable Ultra Runner. If you want more ultra talk, mindset tools, and strategies for running with confidence, visit www.susanidonnelly.com. This podcast receives production support from the team at Digital Freedom Productions. That’s it for today’s episode. See you next week.
Hey you all. Welcome to Episode 9. I'm glad you're here. Whether you just had a tough race or you're still carrying one around in your memory, this episode is for you. Today, let's talk about the emotional crash that happens after a disappointing race. You know the one. You train hard, you commit, you show up, and then it doesn't go how you hoped. Maybe you got a DNF. Maybe you finished, but didn't come close to your goal.
Either way, the result left you confused and gutted, like, "What happened?" That low after a bad race is real and it's rough. I've been there. For some runners, it feels devastating. For others, it's more of a funk, an apathy, a detachment. Reliving and second-guessing everything. It might even feel like a low-grade depression, like the wind got knocked out of your identity. And most runners, no matter how it feels, have no idea what to do with it.
So they typically try to outrun it. They try to register for another race right away, hoping that moving forward quickly will erase the sting. Or they shut it down entirely. They don't want to think about it. They don't want to talk about it with anybody. They file the photos away and try to forget it ever happened. Or, some runners wallow in it for a while, and they end up wallowing long enough that they decide they need a break from racing altogether. Not because they want the rest, but because they've lost their belief, and calling it a break is convenient.
And in all that swirling doubt and emotion, they might try to console themselves that, well, you're not truly challenging yourself if you don't DNF once in a while. And while that sounds cool and gritty and tough, that kind of grim reassurance doesn't actually help you heal or move forward. It doesn't build anything. Instead, it just lets the wound stay open. It lets the disappointment linger. And every time you think about the race, all the regret and second-guessing comes flooding right back in. It essentially becomes a scar that makes you brace for the next inevitable DNF instead of an experience that makes you stronger.
So, let's flip this around. Because the race isn't the thing holding you back. Staying stuck in disappointment is. And here's the solution. See the race as a valuable experiment. And mine that race for data. Think about it this way: You ran an experiment. Now, it's time to gather the data and analyze the results. Not for your worth… for gold.
Seriously. There is a treasure trove of valuable information in that experience. And if looking back at the race in detail is the last thing you want to do, then think about it this way: You've already paid for that treasure in time, in training, in money, in effort, in heart. So don't reject it and walk away empty-handed. That would be the real waste. Instead, extract the learning. This is your golden opportunity to come back better, stronger, smarter, and more emotionally resilient than you would have with a perfect race. This is how you get better, faster.
So, let's talk about how to really recover mentally from a disappointing race. There are three steps I take with clients, and the first is probably one you don't want to do, and that's: feel the disappointment. But here's the thing. When you stop avoiding disappointment and actually allow yourself to feel it, you realize it's not as bad as you thought it would be. And it quickly loses its grip. It moves on faster than you expect. Don't analyze it or think about it, just feel it. That's all you've got to do: feel it. In your body, not your mind. Just let it be there.
The shame, the regret, the sadness… it's okay. They're just emotions. You're not weak, you're not fighting demons, you're just a human with human emotions. And this is what it feels like when you don't achieve a big dream. This is just part of the deal of having dreams. It's not fun, but it's just an emotion, and you're stronger than it is.
And here's another reason you want to feel the disappointment. Feeling the disappointment, literally feeling it in your body, expands your emotional capacity every time you do it. And that's actually what mental strength is. It's not just gritting your teeth and pushing harder; it's being willing to feel the hard emotions without running away from them. This skill alone will make you unshakable. When you allow the emotion instead of resisting it out of fear, it stops running the show. You don't have to be afraid of it anymore.
All right. Step two: Get okay with the risk of ultras. We all want to believe that perfect training will guarantee a perfect outcome, but ultras don't work like that. There are no guarantees for any of us. I don't care who you are. Elites, DFL, and everybody in between—sometimes things go sideways. Sometimes the result doesn't match the work you put in. And sometimes you don't do what you said you'd do. But none of that means that the work was wasted.
You had the guts to take the risk, and that in itself is a win. You didn't play it safe and sit it out. You didn't put off the race waiting for a guarantee that everything would go your way, if that even exists, which it doesn't. Risking and having a bad race doesn't mean you made a mistake. It means you had the guts to show up and bet on yourself when there were no guarantees. And that's not just something to be proud of; it's a kind of strength that most people never even touch, and you want to hold on to that.
Because that is what makes ultras different from anything else. The outcome is never guaranteed. You knew that, and you signed up anyway. And now, after a race that didn't go to plan, you're standing in the part that no one likes to talk about. The part where you choose what kind of runner you're going to be. Will you shrink smaller and let the race define you? Or will you look it in the eye, take the hit, and grow stronger from it?
That's the second half of courage. Not just starting the race, but deciding you're not done just because it didn't go how you hoped. And that's how you succeed. Go risk after risk after risk until you succeed. And this step is just one step on the way to success.
Here's the gold in it. Because you took that risk, you now have race day experience and hard-earned data that no simulation, no visualization, no long run, no podcast could ever give you. You lived through something real, something that will make you better if you're willing to use it.
And the best news: The world didn't end. You're still here, and you're tougher than before. And now, you're ready for the next part of your recovery.
Step three, and probably my favorite, is learn from the race. And I don't just mean figuring out what to avoid next time; I mean a real evaluation. What actually happened out there? What went well? What would you repeat? What would you change? This isn't about blaming yourself at all. It's about understanding yourself. And this is where the power-up happens, when you take that hard-won data and actually use it. This is the return on everything you just poured into that race.
Here's an example of a fabulous client of mine who really embraced this process. She came to me after an emotionally tough DNF at Miwok 100. It was her first ultra. She trained hard, showed up excited and ready, and really, really wanted to finish it. But the weather turned brutal, and she got pulled for time. It broke her heart. She was devastated. She didn't just feel disappointed; it shook her identity. She felt an unfamiliar fear: the fear of repeating it, the fear that something was wrong with her. And she couldn't stop wondering what she'd done to mess it up so badly.
The first thing we did, of course, was normalize that disappointment. Like I've said, big goals come with big emotions. Not hitting a goal definitely feels bad. That's part of having a meaningful goal. But the main thing we did, and the big turning point for her, came when we evaluated the race together. She told me the story of a race gone wrong and what she thought she'd messed up. She was certain she'd blown it in the biggest way.
But when we actually broke it all down, you know what we found? One thing. One simple thing she'd missed. She didn't have an eating schedule, like eating something every hour. And when the weather turned cold and rainy, she forgot to eat and she bonked. That was it. That was the only thing in that whole devastating race that truly went wrong. And it was a super-fixable problem for her next race.
Even better, she also discovered an extensive list of things she did right and things she wanted to repeat. The training she nailed. The excited mindset she brought. The aid station process that worked flawlessly. The race prep that went smoothly. She was stunned. That race that she had mentally labeled for so long as a complete disaster, it was actually filled with wins. She took those lessons, absorbed them, and to her delight, used her renewed confidence to run a strong 50K.
Then, after a little hesitation, she dared longer: 50 miles. And to her surprise, she finished it and felt pretty good. We evaluated both of these races the same way: wins and things to improve. And then, after some indecision and waffling back and forth, she took the big leap with the faith that she gained in herself and signed up for her first 100-miler.
She thought she'd do one someday, but this didn't seem like the perfect time, and it was kind of inconvenient, and life things were going on. But she had the opportunity, and she had the training under her belt, and she finally decided to go for it. So we planned her race in detail, incorporating everything she learned from her allegedly bad race at Miwok and from the 50K and 50-miler.
And it so happened that I ran that race too, and I got to see her some in the first 20 miles. She was on her game. She knew what to do, and she was doing it. It was so exciting for me to watch her move ahead and finally out of view. I knew she could do it, and I trusted, even though she was out of sight, that she was doing great.
But I had to wait until I got to the finish line a day later. It's so weird to say, but that's how it is in a 100. Got to the finish line a day later. I had to wait until I got to the finish line a day later to learn the result and find out that she finished. And, even better than that, she not only finished, she finished well under 24 hours. In her first 100. And that is all because she chose bravely to recover instead of staying stuck in the shame.
That's what mental recovery really is. It's not about pretending the race didn't matter or using it to limit yourself. It's about being brave enough to face it and look at it and use it to run smarter and make yourself stronger. So, if you're sitting in disappointment right now, here's your next step. Don't rush to sign up for the next race, and don't stuff your feelings down, and don't shut it all out either. Instead, feel it. Feel that disappointment. You're stronger than it is.
Then, celebrate that you were willing to take the risk that every single one of us takes every time we show up at a starting line. You ran that experiment. And most important, once the experiment is over, mine the treasure of information that you worked so hard for. Break it down. Learn from it and use it to become a smarter, tougher, more prepared runner. This is how you keep getting better at ultrarunning. This is how you come back confident. And this is how you stop defining yourself by a single race and start building an ultrarunning lifetime of grit and growth.
The experience is yours now. You paid for it, you own it. So don't let it go to waste. Mine it for gold.
All right. I'll talk to you all next week.
Bye.
Thanks for listening to Unstoppable Ultra Runner. If you want more ultra talk, mindset tools, and strategies for running with confidence, visit www.susanidonnelly.com. This podcast receives production support from the team at Digital Freedom Productions. That’s it for today’s episode. See you next week.
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