7. How to Stay In the Race When Things Get Hard
There’s a moment in every ultra where things fall apart - your body hurts, your pace slips, and your thoughts turn dark. It’s not just physical exhaustion; it’s mental withdrawal. Your brain starts telling you it’s not worth it, and even if your legs are still moving, you’re mentally checking out. The usual advice to “remember your why” can fall flat here - because in the middle of that kind of struggle, a logical reason isn’t enough to pull you out.
What I’ve learned - over and over - is that what really gets me through isn’t grit or logic. It’s desire. Not just knowing I want to finish, but feeling it deep in my chest. That emotional pull matters more than anything else in the hard miles.
In this episode, I walk you through what that kind of desire feels like and how to build it for yourself. You’ll learn how to spot the signs that you're mentally checking out, why your “why” might not be helping, and what to do instead. I’ll share how to turn a distant goal into something emotionally powerful and actionable—so you’re not relying on willpower alone. If you’re ready to fight for your race when it gets hard, this is where you start.
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What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why “remember your why” sometimes backfires in tough moments.
The role of emotional desire in keeping you anchored when things fall apart.
How to recognize when you’re mentally checking out mid-race.
A mindset shift that replaces panic with purpose.
How to practice emotional connection to your goals during training - not just race day.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Full Episode Transcript:
There's a point in almost every ultra where it gets real. You've been out there for hours, you're tired, you're hurting, and it's getting worse. The early exuberance you felt is long gone. Your thinking is shifting more and more toward the negative—things like, "I'm slowing down," "This is getting worse," "I'm not going to make cutoff," "It's not worth going on." You're still moving, but mentally, you're starting to check out.
This is where the strong urge to drop appears. This is a phase where a lot of runners stop caring whether they make it and simply drop. And this is the key part I want to help with today. Because it's far more mental than physical. And the common advice of "know your why" sounds great, but in that moment, it doesn't usually keep you from dropping. It just makes you feel worse about dropping because you ignored your why. You didn't want it badly enough.
If you've ever tried to push through by just remembering your why but still found yourself miserable or quitting anyway, you're not alone. Today, I want to show you what's actually missing and the shift that helps you stay motivated, stay in the race, and feel like it's worth going on, no matter what.
Welcome to Unstoppable Ultra Runner, the podcast for ultrarunners who refuse to let anything hold them back. I’m your host, Susan Donnelly, veteran of over 150 100-mile races, and a coach who helps runners like you break through mental roadblocks, push past doubt, and run with confidence. Let’s go.
Let's start with what's going on in the hard part of a race. The physical difficulty obviously ramps up with the miles, but the mental weight gets heavier faster. Because it's not just that you're tired; it's what you start to make that tiredness mean. It starts to feel like proof that you're in trouble, that you've hit your limit, that you're not going to finish. And those thoughts don't just feel dramatic; they feel like the truth. Things like: "I should have trained harder." "It's only going to get worse." "I'm not going to make cutoff." "And if I feel like this now, how on earth am I going to do all the miles I have ahead to the finish?"
And when that mindset sets in, it ends your motivation. You can't imagine reaching the finish line. You can't see yourself past the mile you're in. There's just too much negative happening all at once to even try sorting it out in your head. All you want is for the struggle to stop, to have the easy early running back, and to have the race you imagined.
So, what do most runners do at this point? They try to tolerate it, grit through it, and force it. Which keeps them going but isn't sustainable for long. Gritting it out truly isn't as glamorous as it sounds. The finish line, if they make it, feels like relief, not accomplishment. They're glad to be done, but they don't feel proud or strong about it. And they assume that's just what ultras are like: suffer, survive, maybe finish, repeat. That can get miles in, but it's an awfully hard way to get them.
The common advice for getting through this hard part is to remember your "why." And that's part of the solution, but not enough. It makes sense in theory: connecting to your reason for doing this thing anchors you to your purpose for doing it. But here's the problem. Knowing something intellectually is way different from wielding its power. In the middle of a hard race, just knowing your "why" is like knowing there's food at the aid station 5 miles from now. It's nice to know, but not helpful unless you actually want the food.
The truth is, knowledge alone doesn't get you through the hardest moments; emotion does. And the emotion that works best in those moments isn't toughness or determination—it's desire.
Here's why desire works. It's an incredibly strong positive energy. And that energy fuels equally strong action, which keeps you moving. It keeps you motivated to continue going toward what you want in spite of all the discomfort and exhaustion. When you feel the desire for your "why," you stop asking, "It's hopeless, why keep going?" and you start asking, "I want to finish. How can I get there?" It takes what feels meaningless—that existential, "Why am I here doing this weird pointless thing?"—and gives it meaning. That is a massive shift in your favor.
Desire creates attachment. You care more, so you fight harder. You're driven. You're not just trying to survive the race; you're powering through to the finish for a reason. That's what keeps you problem-solving, adjusting, and moving forward long after you might otherwise have given up.
Here's a story. A few years ago, I was running Superior for, I think, the 21st time. Finishing would tie me with my good friend Stewart for the most number of finishes there, which was a cool thing. And I love the race. It was my first 100 and will always be my sentimental favorite. But this time, I got to the last aid station at 95 miles with 5 minutes on cutoff and 7.5 of the hardest miles on the course left—the three biggest climbs. It was 3 weeks after I'd gotten diagnosed with COVID, and I'd had an unusual amount of trouble breathing at anything mildly challenging pace-wise or up a decent climb.
So, getting to 95 miles had been exhausting and challenging. But I didn't stand there at that 95-mile aid station trying to decide if I could make it, or whether it was worth it, or thinking about how nice it would be to stop pushing so hard. I thought about why I wanted to finish, what was waiting for me. And in addition to those other reasons I've already stated, this year, I was also staying after the race for a vacation I'd dreamed of for years. And I really, really, really wanted that vacation to be happy. You know, in the golden light of a finish, not clouded over by a DNF. So, I badly wanted to finish. That desire to finish outweighed every smart reason to quit. No way was I giving up my "why." I was going to fight for it with everything I had left.
That desire gave me the energy to dig deep, and I pushed that 7.5 miles harder than I'd pushed the entire race and got that finish. And my happy vacation.
Here's another helpful story. Let me give you a real-world analogy. Let's say you're driving. Knowing your "why" is like knowing where you want to go. Feeling the desire for your "why" is like wanting to be there so badly that you start walking if the car runs out of gas. It's not just a nice-sounding mission statement; it's the deeply personal, emotional feeling in your body that drives you to keep going past all reasonable opportunities to drop. That emotional connection is your fuel, and when you feel it, you will find a way.
And to summon this feeling doesn't take anything fancy. You don't need the perfect training plan, or talent, or a bunch of finishes under your belt. You don't need to meditate or visualize for hours. And it doesn't matter if you're a podium finisher, a regular DFL, or somewhere in between. You just need to feel that desire on purpose. To create that feeling in your heart. And here's how to do it.
Creating the feeling of desire, not just the idea of desire, but the actual feeling in your body that drives you to keep going, creating that feeling is something you can do. This is 100% in your control. You don't have to wait to feel desire or hope that it somehow magically appears in a race exactly when you need it. You can actually create it on your own and summon it at will when you need it. Anytime.
So, here's a quick exercise. Think of your "why" as someone you've fallen madly, passionately, ridiculously in love with. You're so excited about them. You feel a burning desire to be with them all the time. You can't stop thinking about them. They're so amazing. You can't stop talking about them and how wonderful they are, and even though everybody else's eyes glaze over, you don't care. They're the best thing ever, and you can't wait to see them again.
So, what's wonderful like that about your "why"? What makes you smile when you imagine your "why"? Why do you want to be with it all the time? In other words, achieve it and have it with you forever. What are you excited to tell everyone about it? What makes your heart leap when you think about it? Why are you giddy thinking about accomplishing it? Congratulations. You've just created the feeling of desire.
Practice thinking about your "why" like this whenever you think about the race. Attach that feeling to it. Then, practice creating that feeling on a run, so it's familiar when you need it most. And keep doing that. Keep feeling your "why" in motion on a run, not just in theory. Because when things get hard in a race—and they will—you'll need more than words. Don't just recite your "why" like a motivational quote. It's not the words that have the power; it's the feeling those words create.
Feel your desire for that finish. Imagine having it. Feel why you want it so bad. That feeling, that strong desire—that's what will keep you going when your mind starts looking for the exit.
All right. See you all next week. Bye.
Thanks for listening to Unstoppable Ultra Runner. If you want more ultra talk, mindset tools, and strategies for running with confidence, visit www.susanidonnelly.com. This podcast receives production support from the team at Digital Freedom Productions. That’s it for today’s episode. See you next week.
This is where the strong urge to drop appears. This is a phase where a lot of runners stop caring whether they make it and simply drop. And this is the key part I want to help with today. Because it's far more mental than physical. And the common advice of "know your why" sounds great, but in that moment, it doesn't usually keep you from dropping. It just makes you feel worse about dropping because you ignored your why. You didn't want it badly enough.
If you've ever tried to push through by just remembering your why but still found yourself miserable or quitting anyway, you're not alone. Today, I want to show you what's actually missing and the shift that helps you stay motivated, stay in the race, and feel like it's worth going on, no matter what.
Welcome to Unstoppable Ultra Runner, the podcast for ultrarunners who refuse to let anything hold them back. I’m your host, Susan Donnelly, veteran of over 150 100-mile races, and a coach who helps runners like you break through mental roadblocks, push past doubt, and run with confidence. Let’s go.
Let's start with what's going on in the hard part of a race. The physical difficulty obviously ramps up with the miles, but the mental weight gets heavier faster. Because it's not just that you're tired; it's what you start to make that tiredness mean. It starts to feel like proof that you're in trouble, that you've hit your limit, that you're not going to finish. And those thoughts don't just feel dramatic; they feel like the truth. Things like: "I should have trained harder." "It's only going to get worse." "I'm not going to make cutoff." "And if I feel like this now, how on earth am I going to do all the miles I have ahead to the finish?"
And when that mindset sets in, it ends your motivation. You can't imagine reaching the finish line. You can't see yourself past the mile you're in. There's just too much negative happening all at once to even try sorting it out in your head. All you want is for the struggle to stop, to have the easy early running back, and to have the race you imagined.
So, what do most runners do at this point? They try to tolerate it, grit through it, and force it. Which keeps them going but isn't sustainable for long. Gritting it out truly isn't as glamorous as it sounds. The finish line, if they make it, feels like relief, not accomplishment. They're glad to be done, but they don't feel proud or strong about it. And they assume that's just what ultras are like: suffer, survive, maybe finish, repeat. That can get miles in, but it's an awfully hard way to get them.
The common advice for getting through this hard part is to remember your "why." And that's part of the solution, but not enough. It makes sense in theory: connecting to your reason for doing this thing anchors you to your purpose for doing it. But here's the problem. Knowing something intellectually is way different from wielding its power. In the middle of a hard race, just knowing your "why" is like knowing there's food at the aid station 5 miles from now. It's nice to know, but not helpful unless you actually want the food.
The truth is, knowledge alone doesn't get you through the hardest moments; emotion does. And the emotion that works best in those moments isn't toughness or determination—it's desire.
Here's why desire works. It's an incredibly strong positive energy. And that energy fuels equally strong action, which keeps you moving. It keeps you motivated to continue going toward what you want in spite of all the discomfort and exhaustion. When you feel the desire for your "why," you stop asking, "It's hopeless, why keep going?" and you start asking, "I want to finish. How can I get there?" It takes what feels meaningless—that existential, "Why am I here doing this weird pointless thing?"—and gives it meaning. That is a massive shift in your favor.
Desire creates attachment. You care more, so you fight harder. You're driven. You're not just trying to survive the race; you're powering through to the finish for a reason. That's what keeps you problem-solving, adjusting, and moving forward long after you might otherwise have given up.
Here's a story. A few years ago, I was running Superior for, I think, the 21st time. Finishing would tie me with my good friend Stewart for the most number of finishes there, which was a cool thing. And I love the race. It was my first 100 and will always be my sentimental favorite. But this time, I got to the last aid station at 95 miles with 5 minutes on cutoff and 7.5 of the hardest miles on the course left—the three biggest climbs. It was 3 weeks after I'd gotten diagnosed with COVID, and I'd had an unusual amount of trouble breathing at anything mildly challenging pace-wise or up a decent climb.
So, getting to 95 miles had been exhausting and challenging. But I didn't stand there at that 95-mile aid station trying to decide if I could make it, or whether it was worth it, or thinking about how nice it would be to stop pushing so hard. I thought about why I wanted to finish, what was waiting for me. And in addition to those other reasons I've already stated, this year, I was also staying after the race for a vacation I'd dreamed of for years. And I really, really, really wanted that vacation to be happy. You know, in the golden light of a finish, not clouded over by a DNF. So, I badly wanted to finish. That desire to finish outweighed every smart reason to quit. No way was I giving up my "why." I was going to fight for it with everything I had left.
That desire gave me the energy to dig deep, and I pushed that 7.5 miles harder than I'd pushed the entire race and got that finish. And my happy vacation.
Here's another helpful story. Let me give you a real-world analogy. Let's say you're driving. Knowing your "why" is like knowing where you want to go. Feeling the desire for your "why" is like wanting to be there so badly that you start walking if the car runs out of gas. It's not just a nice-sounding mission statement; it's the deeply personal, emotional feeling in your body that drives you to keep going past all reasonable opportunities to drop. That emotional connection is your fuel, and when you feel it, you will find a way.
And to summon this feeling doesn't take anything fancy. You don't need the perfect training plan, or talent, or a bunch of finishes under your belt. You don't need to meditate or visualize for hours. And it doesn't matter if you're a podium finisher, a regular DFL, or somewhere in between. You just need to feel that desire on purpose. To create that feeling in your heart. And here's how to do it.
Creating the feeling of desire, not just the idea of desire, but the actual feeling in your body that drives you to keep going, creating that feeling is something you can do. This is 100% in your control. You don't have to wait to feel desire or hope that it somehow magically appears in a race exactly when you need it. You can actually create it on your own and summon it at will when you need it. Anytime.
So, here's a quick exercise. Think of your "why" as someone you've fallen madly, passionately, ridiculously in love with. You're so excited about them. You feel a burning desire to be with them all the time. You can't stop thinking about them. They're so amazing. You can't stop talking about them and how wonderful they are, and even though everybody else's eyes glaze over, you don't care. They're the best thing ever, and you can't wait to see them again.
So, what's wonderful like that about your "why"? What makes you smile when you imagine your "why"? Why do you want to be with it all the time? In other words, achieve it and have it with you forever. What are you excited to tell everyone about it? What makes your heart leap when you think about it? Why are you giddy thinking about accomplishing it? Congratulations. You've just created the feeling of desire.
Practice thinking about your "why" like this whenever you think about the race. Attach that feeling to it. Then, practice creating that feeling on a run, so it's familiar when you need it most. And keep doing that. Keep feeling your "why" in motion on a run, not just in theory. Because when things get hard in a race—and they will—you'll need more than words. Don't just recite your "why" like a motivational quote. It's not the words that have the power; it's the feeling those words create.
Feel your desire for that finish. Imagine having it. Feel why you want it so bad. That feeling, that strong desire—that's what will keep you going when your mind starts looking for the exit.
All right. See you all next week. Bye.
Thanks for listening to Unstoppable Ultra Runner. If you want more ultra talk, mindset tools, and strategies for running with confidence, visit www.susanidonnelly.com. This podcast receives production support from the team at Digital Freedom Productions. That’s it for today’s episode. See you next week.
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